Which is why I really enjoyed reading this book, “What Every Body Is Saying”, written by Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins, Ph.D.

It’s nine chapters cover the unconscious and uncontrolled physical reactions the limbic brain dictates in response to various stimuli. Joe is very clear you can’t assume someone is lying because they exhibit a certain behavior, but you are now aware they are uncomfortable about something that just happened. The book is an easy read, with lots of real life examples from Joe’s career.

usotsuki (liar)

And here’s a real life example from my life:

While I was working on my laptop one afternoon, I noticed my boyfriend, who was reading a new edition of what I knew was one of his all-time favorite books, hold his hand to his face. A few minutes later, his hand dropped by his side and stayed there. I asked him if there was something at the beginning of the book, an intro or commentary. He said yes, and went into detail about how he disagreed with some of it, and other parts of it made him think about issues in his own life. But it was short; he soon got past it and into the actual story.

From page 41 of the book “What Every Body Is Saying”:

For our purposes, any touching of the face, head, neck, shoulder, arm, hand, or leg in response to a negative stimulus (e.g., a difficult question, an embarrassing situation, or stress as a result of something heard, seen, or thought) is a pacifying behavior. These stroking behaviors don’t help us to solve problems; rather they help us to remain calm while we do. In other words, they sooth us. Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touch their necks, clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair.

Interesting, isn’t it?

How much more would people relate to your characters if they had realistic behaviors like this?

And how much better could you interact with others, if you had insight into how they were feeling?

Title: What Every Body Is Saying
Author: Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins, Ph.D
Publisher: Collins
Pages: 234, +bibliography, +index
Genre: non-fiction, self-help
ISBN 978-0-06-143829-5