• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

wax tonbo

Using the five love languages’ patterns, I can add depth to my characters.

If the girl speaks Receiving Gifts and the guy speaks Words of Affirmation, no matter what he says or how often he says it, she won’t really feel loved unless he gives her something tangible, unless he speaks her language.

Same thing goes for her – no matter how many cards, or physical tokens of her affection she gives him, he won’t truly feel her love unless she talks with him.

This kind of dynamic can make for great scenes of misunderstanding and reconciliation.

So what’s your character’s love language?

Dean Winchester: Am I speaking a language you’re not getting here?
- Supernatural, “Route 666″, 1.13

edge of the box

And you need to know what that reason is.

Your character may or may not be aware of their origin. They may actively put themselves in the catalyzing moment because of their personality, or a past tragedy. Their reason for acting maybe be a delusion they use to hide the truth from themselves and others.

Whatever it is, define your character’s origin story. It is the starting point from which they will grow, the reason they act the way they do, and why they, and no one else, can save the day.

Professor Henry Jones: We named the *dog* Indiana.
- Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade

Now think about this …

As an author, you are the one who dresses your characters, however you must make it seem as though they dressed themselves.

brillig!

This means whatever your character is wearing, from their underwear to their outerwear to their jewelry and weapons, or lack there of, is intentional. You specifically wrote that he pulled on his black canvas duster and she grabbed a wooden stake out of her oversized Coach clutch.

In the character’s mind, however, they clothed and accessorized themselves that way because they wanted to, or needed to. Just like real people do.

Dragon fighting can be accomplished in armor or an hourglass corset. It’s up to you as the author to incorporate whatever your characters wear as part of their character. Keep it consistent with how they see themselves and how they feel. Change it up when they change their view of their place in the world or what they have to accomplish.

The student takes up the master’s sword, the bride wears her mother-in-law’s wedding dress, the teenager buys a new shirt for the big date.

Clothing affects the way we see and judge other people, both strangers and friends. It is an overwhelming part of that critical first impression.

So, how did your characters dress themselves this morning?

Malcolm Reynolds: Well, yeah, last night I was. Had some mulled wine, pretty girl gave me a hat made out of a tree. Nobody said I was signing up to have and to hold.
- Firefly, “Our Mrs. Reynolds”

Which is why I really enjoyed reading this book, “What Every Body Is Saying”, written by Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins, Ph.D.

It’s nine chapters cover the unconscious and uncontrolled physical reactions the limbic brain dictates in response to various stimuli. Joe is very clear you can’t assume someone is lying because they exhibit a certain behavior, but you are now aware they are uncomfortable about something that just happened. The book is an easy read, with lots of real life examples from Joe’s career.

usotsuki (liar)

And here’s a real life example from my life:

While I was working on my laptop one afternoon, I noticed my boyfriend, who was reading a new edition of what I knew was one of his all-time favorite books, hold his hand to his face. A few minutes later, his hand dropped by his side and stayed there. I asked him if there was something at the beginning of the book, an intro or commentary. He said yes, and went into detail about how he disagreed with some of it, and other parts of it made him think about issues in his own life. But it was short; he soon got past it and into the actual story.

From page 41 of the book “What Every Body Is Saying”:

For our purposes, any touching of the face, head, neck, shoulder, arm, hand, or leg in response to a negative stimulus (e.g., a difficult question, an embarrassing situation, or stress as a result of something heard, seen, or thought) is a pacifying behavior. These stroking behaviors don’t help us to solve problems; rather they help us to remain calm while we do. In other words, they sooth us. Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touch their necks, clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair.

Interesting, isn’t it?

How much more would people relate to your characters if they had realistic behaviors like this?

And how much better could you interact with others, if you had insight into how they were feeling?

Title: What Every Body Is Saying
Author: Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins, Ph.D
Publisher: Collins
Pages: 234, +bibliography, +index
Genre: non-fiction, self-help
ISBN 978-0-06-143829-5